My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
