explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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