DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
