His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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