I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
BRING THE BAGELS
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
