this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
