Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
