and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
