I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
