Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
