When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
