I met the friendliest cop last night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
