He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
