I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
