I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
