I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
