let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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