I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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