Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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