found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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