four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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