Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
