the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
