ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
