You're completely useless in the revolution.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
