I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
