Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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