Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
