Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
