I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
