Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
