I think I am morally bankrupt
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
