I got chris browned last night
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
