she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
