Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
