found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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