chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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