You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
