Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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