Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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