I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
