i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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