He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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