I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
