Please, let me fuck your mom
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
