you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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