Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
