We're like a lot better than the average bears
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
