My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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