I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
